Nighttime Comics Target Trump's Latest 'Gold Card' Residency Scheme
TV's prominent comedians spent their airtime ridiculing ex-President Donald Trump's newly unveiled visa initiative, dubbed the "golden visa," characterizing it as a blatant cash-for-residency system for the wealthy.
The Late Show's Witty Analysis
Kicking off his broadcast, Stephen Colbert delivered a sardonic holiday tune about the president. "He's making a list, reviewing it twice, and then handing that list to the agents at ICE," he crooned. "Trump ... ruins everything he comes into contact with."
The subject was the new plan that enables international individuals to purchase U.S. legal status for a sum of a million dollars, with a "top-tier" tier for 5 million. A government page promises approval "faster than ever."
"One thought here to affluent applicants: prior to you pony up, maybe think about Canada?" Colbert joked.
He noted that the scheme is also meant to "squeeze cash" from businesses looking to hire skilled workers, involving significant payments. "That is a lot of fees, but if you register, you additionally get two free nights at a property of your choosing – as long as it's the Tampa Marriott Bonvoy," he added.
"Unprecedented background check the government has before done," said Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to ensure these applicants absolutely meet the standard to be in America."
"That's important, you gotta prove you're qualified to be an American," Colbert said dryly. "The initial query: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"
Jimmy Kimmel's Blistering Roast
On his own program, Jimmy Kimmel labeled the visa program the "American Dream Express Card."
"This is a card that will let rich overseas citizens to live here," he stated. "In exchange for a million dollars, you get legal visitor status, you get a pathway to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one serious crime of your choice."
"It might be time to update that message on the Statue of Liberty – to hell with your huddled masses. Pay a million bucks, you're in!" he remarked.
Kimmel teased the simplicity of the application, noting it is "more difficult to start a Wordle account." He said that Trump "thinks citizenship is something you can sell, like a timeshare."
"That's right, the best people are the rich people," Kimmel joked. "That's what Jesus constantly said! It's in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you offer the needle a million dollars."
Seth Meyers covering Affordability Issues
On another network, Seth Meyers turned to Trump's slipping approval numbers during financial concerns. "The public gave Donald Trump a another term since they were angry about the economy," he noted.
Recently, in a attempt to address prices, Trump held a briefing in front of a display of grocery items, and reacted strangely to boxes of cereal.
"Lovely packaging, I think I'm going to take a few of them with me to my home and have a lot of fun," Trump remarked. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a ages."
"He is so fucking weird," Meyers reacted. "What do you mean, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What are you gonna do with those Cheerios?"
Meyers concluded by criticizing right-leaning news arguments of Trump's economic performance. "Maybe instead of voicing concerns, you should give him a sparkling trophy similar to what FIFA did," he remarked.
